How much longer will I feel like this?

How much Longer Will I Feel Like This? A Therapist’s Reflections on Heartbreak.

"How much longer will I feel like this?"
"Will I miss them forever?"
"Why do I still think about them all the time?"
"It’s been so long—what’s wrong with me?"
"Shouldn’t I be over this by now?"

These are the questions I hear time and again in the therapy room. And if you’re asking them too, let me say this plainly: there is nothing wrong with you.

Heartbreak is not linear, and it does not follow a schedule. When you’ve loved someone deeply—whether through romantic connection, friendship, or family bond—the loss of that connection can be utterly devastating. And yes, you may miss them for a very long time. Possibly even forever. I don’t say that to discourage you, but to reassure you. Because the idea that love should disappear after a set amount of time is a myth that does more harm than good. 

Love changes us. And when it’s lost—whether through breakup, bereavement, estrangement, or distance—it leaves an imprint. We are never quite the same again. And that’s not a failing. It’s a reflection of how powerful love really is. We can't see it or measure it, but few things shape us so deeply. No loss is easy (even if you might have been the one to initiate it). And there is no expiration date for grief. It never really leaves us, we just grow to eventually live around the loss.

As a therapist, I’ve sat with countless clients over the years who are haunted by the memory of people they once loved. Sometimes it’s been decades. Sometimes it was a relationship that only lasted a few weeks. Time is irrelevant when it comes to love. Twenty years later you might stand next to someone in a lift wearing their cologne and it sends you right back to that first day you met them. A smell, a song, a stranger’s laugh can transport you through time and space, straight back to a single moment with your loved one. That’s how memory works when love has made its mark.

For clients who are desperate to get over their ex, or trying to find a way through the unrelenting grief of losing someone, we will explore the varying stages of grief and look at things they can do each day to make that day slightly more bearable. One foot in front of the other. We talk about grief, not as something to “get over”, but as something to learn to live around. Slowly. Gently. One day at a time.

And while I can’t promise that you’ll ever fully be “over it”, I can tell you that you will feel differently with time. You can fill your life with new people, pursuits, and pleasures—some of which might bring unexpected lightness. One thing that can really help is finding something that holds no memories of them at all. Something brand new, just for you. Even if it’s only a few hours a week, it can start to shift the heaviness.

There’s no quick fix for a broken heart. But there is movement. There is meaning. And there is, eventually, relief.

If you're in the thick of it right now, I just want you to know: you're not broken. You're human–and you're not alone.